Eric Karns

GODDANGIT THIS IS FUNNY. Can geese have rabies?

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Last night I went to the Pentagon City mall to find some Spring shirts. I am not a big fan of shopping, so I usually try to bust in bust out and make it as painless as possible. However, even the smallest of tasks can become a shining moment in the life of Enrico Karnesian.

Luckily for me, I remembered my parking ticket so I could prepay, in the mall, before I exited the parking ramp. So far, so good.

As I approached the pre=pay parking machine I noticed it had a crowd of tourist from some Spanish speaking country crowded around it - and everyone was trying to see how the “locals” handled the machines.

So I smiled at the crowd and thought… this is it… this is my big moment! I’ve got FANS!!!

I stuck my ticket in, waited for it to process and ask me to “insert your credit card with the stripe face up.” … this is where it got sticky. I inserted my card and started to notice that it was taking quite a long time to process. The crowd looked on in amazement… I still wasn’t sweating it, I know these things can take time. A few more seconds and still nothing. Suddenly, a large red X appeared on the screen and said MACHINE ERROR. The crowd booed and hissed in unison… one woman yelled “It taking his cuurd!”

At this point I had to contain my rage - this was after all a brand new card I’d JUST had replaced after losing the other one. I knew that the ramifications of cancelling the card again was going to screw up my reoccurring car, insurance, gym membership, netflix, payments etc. - and I did NOT want to go through that again.

I noticed there was a button on the machine to press for “Assistance”. I pressed for a good 3 minutes to no avail. Finally, after not wanting to have to resort to brute, American, man-handling, especially in front of the tourists… I decided I’d had enough….

So… I punched that mother fucker right in the sweet spot next to the credit card slot… and VOILA! Out came my card.

This is kind of an inside joke… but even to the uninitiated you just may L your A O. CLICK HERE.

Cool video from grizz mcstizz yet again… anytime you combine old school Michael Jackson with dancing aminals its sure to be a crowd pleaser.

If you’re like me, you’ve had a few ‘inspirational’ dreams in your day… the kind where you come up with the solution to the world’s energy crisis, or an idea to pitch at work for the next, most exciting interactive website.. etc., etc., Well folks, last night was one of those dream nights for me. In fact I was so pumped about it, I decided to record it on my voice recorder for posterity.

The following is how my AMAZING idea translated to ‘wax’ at 6:45am.

CLICK HERE to listen

So, lately things had really been rollng my way… and i KNEW it was too good to be true. New job, vacation between jobs, I literally found cash on the sidewalk, etc.

THEN… the BAD karma hit. Starting on Sunday, I was too anxious to wait at my normal haircut spot because the line was out the door, so I googled the nearest barber and got a freakin’ ROTC haircut by an 80 year old Lebanese man. It took him 45 minutes to cut my hair, and its normally a 10 minute job. I swear to God this has to be the most horrible haircut on the face of the planet, and its only my second week at my new job, so everyone’s gonna be wondering what the H is up with me.

And then, last night as I stumbled 1.5 miles home from the bar coming home from a happy hour with Steve, I got really hot. So I took off my peacoat without realizing my wallet was in the inside pocket. This morning I realized it was gone, retraced my 1.5 mile walk to no avail, canceled all my cards, and walked another 1.5 miles to the bank for some cash on my way to the metro. I DID luckily make it to work by 9:30 so it didn’t look too bad… and if you’re asking how I had the time for THIS much bad luck in one morning… yes I did wake up at like 6:45.

You know how they have sound proof rooms? And then they have dark rooms where there’s not even a bit of light? Well… I want to be the first to discover SMELL proof rooms. I’ll have to experiment with a variety of materials of course, but in the end it won’t matter how bad your gas is, you can just fart at will.

Pretty funny!